I’m shattered again. I want my Daddy. I want to hit the rewind button and tell everyone in the church at the funeral what a vital part of mine and my kids’ lives he was. That when my respective ex-spouses decided that involvement was too much to handle, my Daddy stepped up.
Then I want to hit the rewind button again and keep the accident from happening.
Relating the news to people who didn’t know is still difficult – I feel like I’m whapping them in the head with it. And I’m still running into folks who yell “Tell yer Daddy I said Hey!” over their shoulder as they leave. What, specifically, is the protocol there? Am I supposed to chase them down and tell them? Call ‘em up and say “I know you didn’t know, but….”?
There have been quite a few occasions where I’ve said “Daddy, where did you PUT IT??!!??” and heard his voice in my head saying “It’s right there in front of your face!” in that irritatedDaddy tone of voice. (And? It was.)
I drove a Toyota Celica when I was pregnant with Alannah. When my belly got too big for me to slide down into that car, Daddy gave me the keys to his red pickup and I drove it until after she was born.
When my first husband left (for the last time) Daddy stayed with me until he was sure that the man would not be coming back to my house.
When it was time for me to leave Tig, I called Daddy. A plane ticket was waiting for us the next day to come home. After Tig moved out of our apartment Daddy flew back, packed all my stuff and brought it to me.
Daddy was at the hospital when I delivered Joseph. Not in the delivery room, but he was there.
When they were old enough, Daddy would take them “hiking in the forest” behind our house and then creekstompin’. He taught them the necessary skills – carry a stick, don’t touch THAT VINE, and how to pee on a tree.
He asked Alannah what kind of car she wanted. With all the bravado of a teen that knows EVERYTHING she tossed off the name of my dream car – quite certain she wouldn’t get it. The car was sitting in the driveway two weeks later. It needs some restoration work, but it runs (and yes, I’m driving it. Hush.)
We weren’t done yet. And I’m angry about that.