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This is SO not worth it…

  • Posted on September 25, 2008 at 10:36 am

Kid does not want to get out of bed.

Kid gets pulled out of bed by me – and then noodle legs himself into the floor.

Kid gets picked back up by me AGAIN, landed on his feet, and gently nudged in the general direction of the kitchen. Noodle legs again.

My head explodes just a smidge, and I yell “Papaw YOU get him up, I need to get the OTHER kid ready for school” (Papaw’s response: to sit on his ass and yell “Kid? get outta bed!”)

I run and get Kid2 started on breakfast, snatch NoodleLegs up out of the floor and land a swat on his behind – which as usual results in an ear-piercing scream. You know the scream – the one that sounds like a serial killer just found a victim.

Said scream brings My Sainted Mama running “to the rescue”. She’s been in her room the entire time (as usual) and has absolutely no clue what’s been going on for the last 20 minutes. She picks him up, carries him into the kitchen, sits him down in his chair, and pours the milk over his cereal. And then stares at him in wide-eyed wonder as he noodlescootches his way out of the chair and onto the floor, leaving said cereal to turn to mush.

She put him back in his chair and tried to hand him his clothes – and of course he promptly dropped them on the floor.

She stared at him.

And stared.

And said “You’re going to miss school if you don’t get dressed!”

And I said “That’s the general idea, Sainted Mama o Mine. He DOES NOT WANT TO GO.”

I picked the pants up and put them on him. I pulled the shirt on over his head and slid his noodlearms through the sleeves. The lightbulb finally, blessedly flickered on in Mama’s head and she went to retrieve his shoes so I could finish putting the lunches in boxes and doublecheck backpacks.

~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the school year – mornings exactly like this one – are being looked at with an extreme distaste. They like being with the kids in their classes (up to a point). The homework is for the most part busywork – practice on skills they’ve achieved proficiency in. They have been out of school (sick) almost as much as they’ve been there.

I want to let them go back to homeschooling. I just don’t know how we can achieve that without my head exploding.

2 comments on This is SO not worth it…

The Exercise and The Agony: The Story

  • Posted on August 14, 2008 at 8:36 am

I had twittered that our departure time was delayed. A quick check of my tweets shows that I sat around for nearly two hours before being able to pack the van. Our Teen Travelling Companion went to a school sports practice with little sleep and no food – by the time we got to her house to get her things for the trip she had gone right past dizzy and nauseous and straight into Technicolor Yawning. (Humorous moment even within her pain: She tossed a bag of frozen peas on the table, said “Please Apply Directly To The Forehead” and then thunked her head down on it.)

Of course My Teen promptly sat down in front of their computer, leaving me with the exercise ball to sit on, and nothing else to do. What do you do when you’re sitting on a nice big bouncy ball?

You bounce, of course!

What do you do when you’re boooooooooored with bouncing?

You try something else. In my case, I decided to try stretching my back and shoulders out. It may have looked downright awful but that stretch felt soooooo goooood. To refresh your memory:

The exercise and the agony.

Her packing finally got done and we got underway. When we got to Mamaw’s house Thursday, my stomach felt a little odd but I chalked it up to spending $40 on fast food in one day and the boys having nothing to do but jump on me. Sleep was simply not going to come to me easily either – too much activity during the day.

Friday brought us a beautiful high-contrast day. We got the kids fed, the house cleaned up, and then went to the park for a few hours. What do we do at the park? We play, people! My favoritest thing in the world is to swing, so once the boys were occupied I made a beeline for the unoccupied set. My shoes flew off as I leaned back and pointed my toes in an ever-expanding effort to go higher. And then I realized this is The Perfect Time to try taking action shots. I wrapped my arms around the chain, turned the camera on, tightened my abs, and did my best to kick the sky.

Kicking the Clouds

Out of the ten shots I tried, this one is the best. The others are missed moments where I hit the button too soon or too late. I’ll let that sink in. Ten shots. While actively trying to keep my camera on. And for all practical purposes in a crunch.

The boys finally declared themselves Hot And Tired, so we hopped into the van for the trip back to Mamaw’s, where I collapsed on the sofa – and where Joe promptly jumped on me. You know what happens when a kid jumps on you, right? You curl protectively around the softest parts of your body into the fetal position. And you use your abs to get into that position. Thirty minutes or so after he FINALLY stopped bouncing on me, my abs decided to speak. Authoritatively.

Each individual muscle turned into a hot spasming bundle of pain, saying things like “We thought we’d remind you of that freshly postpartum feeling!” and “Oh HEY THERE did you know we exist??!!??”

My sweet sweet Mamaw didn’t understand what I was talking about – she kept asking me if I needed a Tums or something to eat or if I needed to go to the bathroom. And all I could do was sit there in the rocking chair holding my throbbing belly and gasp “Mamaw, I’ll be OK.” And then another muscle would spasm and take my breath away.

Finally, blessedly, the boys fell asleep and I was able to mincingly make my way to the bed and collapse.

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And by exploding? I mean

  • Posted on April 29, 2008 at 4:32 pm

We need to move I can’t find a house I can afford we need a new sitter if the boys are in school I’ll never see them unless I change jobs but I can’t change jobs without affecting my school schedule and I CAN’T do that because I’ll be a junior and so.close. to completing my degree and the laundry needs folding and the closet needs to be rotated and the boys need summer clothes and my daughter needs a car and wants a job and my insurance is income-based so if I make more money I’ll lose that insurance and jobs that pay well enough to have GOOD insurance coverage won’t generally let you take two days off to attend classes and do homework and I need new clothes and shoes for work but if I’m changing jobs then I won’t NEED clothes like that anymore and holyshit my DAUGHTER wants a JOB which is a good thing because I’ll know she’s at work and not off getting “into trouble” (she’s a good kid but she’s fifteen and OMG!) and I want to go home and cook but I have class in an hour and I want to grill a steak and some asparagus and be able to sit down. And eat.

Amen.

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