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And by exploding? I mean

  • Posted on April 29, 2008 at 4:32 pm

We need to move I can’t find a house I can afford we need a new sitter if the boys are in school I’ll never see them unless I change jobs but I can’t change jobs without affecting my school schedule and I CAN’T do that because I’ll be a junior and so.close. to completing my degree and the laundry needs folding and the closet needs to be rotated and the boys need summer clothes and my daughter needs a car and wants a job and my insurance is income-based so if I make more money I’ll lose that insurance and jobs that pay well enough to have GOOD insurance coverage won’t generally let you take two days off to attend classes and do homework and I need new clothes and shoes for work but if I’m changing jobs then I won’t NEED clothes like that anymore and holyshit my DAUGHTER wants a JOB which is a good thing because I’ll know she’s at work and not off getting “into trouble” (she’s a good kid but she’s fifteen and OMG!) and I want to go home and cook but I have class in an hour and I want to grill a steak and some asparagus and be able to sit down. And eat.

Amen.

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Okay, I’m done.

  • Posted on December 9, 2007 at 4:07 pm

It’s over. Finished, kaput, fin.

I know I haven’t given you a blow-by-blow of the last month, so let me do that now.

He has called me every day, and asked for permission to call the next day.
He is in love, calls me his precious, his love, and tells me I’m more beautiful every time he sees me.
He wants to be married in a year, maybe.

I do not give my heart so easily. I like him. I appreciate his attentions, but am in no way shape or form in love. To be completely frank, the last time he told me I was beautiful I accused him of intoxication (In my defense, I’d been at work for 8 hours and was having one of those bloated uncomfortable “omg I’m a TROLL” days).

Neither am I ready to speak of marriage.

For a few brief moments, I felt badly that I didn’t return his sentiment. I do LIKE the guy, after all.

But.

Guilt is a horrible foundation for a relationship, and I did indeed feel guilty about not being as ready as he is to commit.

But.

Last night I tried again to explain to him that I felt as much, and found that it’s not about me, it’s about him. He kept kissing me and wouldn’t let me speak. I tried to push him away so I could speak, and he wouldn’t release me.

It’s frustrating enough with the language and cultural differences, but to think that kisses can change my mind is naive at best.

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