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A Small Request

  • Posted on April 16, 2009 at 11:51 am

Dear Utz,

I love your products with a white-hot fiery passion. I am salt sensitive – so much so that regular potato chips can leave salt burns on my tongue. When I discovered your “lower salt than anyone else” regular chips, and your no-salt line I was in potato chip heaven.

To be honest, I can eat an entire bag of no-salt chips in a day (usually with cottage cheese).

(oink)

Only one thing mars this absolute adoration – the chips are too thin to dip adequately. They do get dipped, never fear, but at the end of my snack/meal/entire bag, the bottom of my dipping bowl is an interesting combination of cheese curds and chip bits. I’m in desperate need of a change of clothing as well – sometimes I successfully execute a dip only to have the chip fall apart on the way to my mouth.

So please, I beg you – save me from certain deep-frying DIY disaster and deliver a thicker no-salt chip that I can dip.

My soul will thank you forever. (My hips? Probably not so much. But you knew that already.)

–

1 comment

Well hello there, you curvaceous cutie!

  • Posted on February 18, 2008 at 1:26 pm

You sure have come a long way in the last few years, huh? Listen, thanks for not exploding when my blood pressure took off. Hell, thanks for not exploding during that last month of pregnancy. It really means a lot to me that you were able to keep it together through all that neglect. And I know, I know – I need to start taking vitamins again. But can I have props for at least remembering to take our daily meds?

I want you to know that I really don’t expect you to look a certain way anymore (although I really wish that I had THIS attitude back when a quarter could bounce off our ass and make change). I know that the off-the-shelf clothes don’t really fit properly, and I’m sorry about that. Clothing manufacturers have to hit a sort of size range, and well….with a waist that is 7 inches smaller than your hips, nothing is really going to really work.

The way I see it, there are only a few things we need to work on. That whole not-sleeping thing we’ve got going on? Yeah, we need to fix that the rest of the way. It’s time to wrap the brain around a bathing suit – we promised the kids we’d go to the beach this year. And really, truly – it’ll be OK if we leave the majority of the books in the van instead of carrying them around all.day.long. Also? How about if we work on that whole “priorities” thing? You know – schoolwork THEN the google reader.

One last thing: You were a huge asshole when you were fourteen. Your daughter is a huge asshole now that she’s fourteen. You got over it (for the most part), so will she. A panic attack every time she pitches a fit really is overkill.

This is my contribution to BlogHer’s Letter to my Body campaign.

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