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I flipped

  • Posted on May 1, 2009 at 6:01 pm
This entry is part 5 of 10 in the series atypicalrelationship

I knew/know codeine is not a muscle relaxer. My eyes narrowed and my back “got up”. I carried the bottle to him and said “explain. NOW.”

He shrugged and said “That’s codeine. What the doctor prescribed for when my back goes into spasm and it won’t stop.”

He could tell I was upset, and I was doing my level best to not yell/scream/storm off. He is not my first husband, he deserves the opportunity to explain.

(My first husband The Addict would take two vicodin and go to work. He was a gen-u-wine joy to live with.)

He went on to tell me that he only takes a half, when he “needs” it. The days that he “didn’t mean to” stand me up? were days spent in bed because the drug knocked him out.

I couldn’t keep the emotion out of my voice – my words were well-placed weapons designed to skewer, to wound, to flay. I’ve already BEEN with one addict, I’m not *going* to be with another, this is NOT codeine, it’s vicodin, it’s very addictive and THE FACT THAT YOU’RE TAKING IT BOTHERS ME A LOT. The fact that you’ve stood me up not once but twice on this stuff SAYS a lot about you.

He shrugged, helplessly. There is nothing to do. He has a legitimate prescription, I’m not going to count pills (again), if I want to be with him I’m just going to have to trust.

I left him standing there.

2 comments on I flipped

Exhilarated, excited to be in love(ish) again

  • Posted on April 30, 2009 at 12:57 pm
This entry is part 3 of 10 in the series atypicalrelationship

We go out as often as we can, but I honestly prefer hanging out at the house with the kids. He keeps asking “would you marry me?” and I keep ducking the question. It’s too soon, he’s too still-married, please stop asking. Okay, if I answer will you NEVER ASK ME AGAIN? Then yes, I quite possibly WOULD marry you. If I actually believed in marriage. Privacy is impossible at our respected homes, so he occasionally gets a hotel room. It is a source of….not argument but something close to it. He doesn’t understand my general “hotel rooms squick me out” attitude (if I didn’t clean it, how do I KNOW it’s clean??!!??). But it *is* nice to be able to snuggle up and enjoy each others company.

Unease rumbles through my gut, punching me periodically. The things around the house he said he can do? are not done. Nor have we discussed WHEN they would be done. These are not small things, either: weatherproofing a window, changing the oil (he didn’t want me spending $30 at the quickchange) and replacing the brake pads on my van. Blowing the leaves. But he does go with me to select a new washer and dryer. And then a dishwasher. It’s odd, but nice.

We do not spend Thanksgiving together (he says he did not drive and ended up going to several relatives homes) but he does manage to come over on Christmas day.

The boys and I go to his house for New Year’s dinner. His house, his mama’s house is chock full of breakables. I don’t relax until the children go outside to play. He notices I’m giving myself a headache and directs me to get the bottle of ibuprofen from his desk. Next to the bottle of ibuprofen? a bottle of vicodin. I pull him to the side and ask about it – at no point did he tell me about this. “This?” he smiles condescendingly at me. “That is codeine. The muscle relaxer I take.”

2 comments on Exhilarated, excited to be in love(ish) again

Hoping this time would be different

  • Posted on April 29, 2009 at 12:54 pm
This entry is part 2 of 10 in the series atypicalrelationship

The accident happened and I slid into another world. Answering the phone, shaking hands, hugging people whose names I remembered but either had never met or hadn’t seen since I was a child.

He became my rock in the storm.

He held me when I cried, handed me tissues. He came to the wake and stayed there (directly in my line of sight) the entire time. Three hours of nonstop handshaking and hugging and Thankyouforcoming and Weappreciateyerprayers and Yeshewillbemissed. He stayed the entire three hours just to be sure I was OK.

There are things that need to be done around the house – he says he can do those things. I nod my head, relieved that I won’t have to worry about them. There are renovations that need to be done, a house prepared for sale. He talks to Mama about doing the renovation work for her – bids it as a complete job.

On the day we’re supposed to work around my house, he is nowhere to be found. He doesn’t answer the phone, and I’m NOT going to call his mama. He had taken a “muscle relaxer” (he calls it codeine) and slept most of the day. We rescheduled for the next Saturday.

The next Saturday he tells me he’ll be at my house after he takes care of blowing leaves at his Grandma’s house. Again, he’s a no-show.

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