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Proof positive that I was not entirely sane

  • Posted on June 18, 2010 at 4:00 pm

I have a delightful plugin for this site called This Day. As you might imagine, it lists all the posts available on the same date in the past.

Today, I actually took the time to click through the titles and read them. And shake my head and laugh, both at the writing and at my level of paranoia. I was so sure that if I posted *any* detail that it would immediately become apparent who and/or what I was discussing.

Case in point: Quotable Quote from 2004. Joseph was 10 months old at the time, nursing ALL DAY LONG, and I looked like this…

Yes, it’s awfully blurry. I refused to stand still for my picture to be made. Yes, I am wearing bike shorts WITH a bathing suit. No, they didn’t make bathing suits that would properly support the awesome weight of my saggy milkbags boobs.

But enough about that. In this post, I refer to two men that want to spend time with me. One wanted me to come to him, one wanted to come to me (but not spend time with my kids).

The first thing you need to know is that I have absolutely NO CLUE who those men are today. Paranoia caused me to sanitize out any identifying information, and I’m friends with LOTS of people who are “at least two states away”.

The next thing you need to know is that neither of these visits happened. At the time the thought of leaving my babies for ANY amount of time was enough to cause an anxiety attack. I had a hard time separating from them to go to the gas station, going out of town (or to a local hotel room) for a weekend was completely unthinkable.

To be completely honest, I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean….I KNOW what I was thinking (Men!!! They still want me!!!!) but still.

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Well hello there, you curvaceous cutie!

  • Posted on February 18, 2008 at 1:26 pm

You sure have come a long way in the last few years, huh? Listen, thanks for not exploding when my blood pressure took off. Hell, thanks for not exploding during that last month of pregnancy. It really means a lot to me that you were able to keep it together through all that neglect. And I know, I know – I need to start taking vitamins again. But can I have props for at least remembering to take our daily meds?

I want you to know that I really don’t expect you to look a certain way anymore (although I really wish that I had THIS attitude back when a quarter could bounce off our ass and make change). I know that the off-the-shelf clothes don’t really fit properly, and I’m sorry about that. Clothing manufacturers have to hit a sort of size range, and well….with a waist that is 7 inches smaller than your hips, nothing is really going to really work.

The way I see it, there are only a few things we need to work on. That whole not-sleeping thing we’ve got going on? Yeah, we need to fix that the rest of the way. It’s time to wrap the brain around a bathing suit – we promised the kids we’d go to the beach this year. And really, truly – it’ll be OK if we leave the majority of the books in the van instead of carrying them around all.day.long. Also? How about if we work on that whole “priorities” thing? You know – schoolwork THEN the google reader.

One last thing: You were a huge asshole when you were fourteen. Your daughter is a huge asshole now that she’s fourteen. You got over it (for the most part), so will she. A panic attack every time she pitches a fit really is overkill.

This is my contribution to BlogHer’s Letter to my Body campaign.

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