This morning, I called into 107.5 WKZL. The topic of the morning was “herpes” and of course, I had to call in. And I’m cringing now because I asked them to disguise my voice and give me an anonymous name. (Now you know I get a FAIL at knee-jerk reactions. Anxiety disorder, remember??!!??)

Hi Murph!

At any rate, his questions are in bold, my radio answers are “plain” and my “this is my blog I’ll ramble on if I want to” elaborations are italicized/highlighted. Well, they’re the questions as best I can remember them. We’ll call this the “paraphrased interview”, mkay?

Murph: Do you tell them that you have Teh Herpes?
Absolutely!
Keeping it to myself would be unethical and chock full-o wrongness. The minute I got my diagnosis, I knew that getting past that would be problematic. I also ultimately came to the conclusion that it’s as much a part of me as my foul mouth, internet addiction, and family size.

Murph: When do you tell people?
If they’re comfortable talking to me about sex, I bring it up.

And when is that?
Usually about the third or fourth date.

How do you tell them?
I tell them “you HAVE to wear a condom. Here’s why.”
There are times when a guy will argue with me – saying that he doesn’t have to wear a condom because HE is clean. Those are the most cringeworthy moments – when I have to say “Heh. You’re so cute. *I* am not clean.

What happens then?
It’s usually a dealbreaker.
There is usually a good bit of disbelief, some “you’re making that up”, and a whole lot of “Damn. DAMN. Damn.” in that conversation. Sometimes they ask how it happened – like that matters. But, for the record – my first husband cheated on me and brought it home.

I find it hard to believe that a man would be able to stop. Y’know, you’re making out all hot & heavy – I just find that hard to believe.
It’s like pouring a bucket of icewater in his lap.
95% of the men I’ve been out with SAY they’re OK with wearing a condom, but when push comes to shove they whine about it.

Are you in a relationship now?
No, I’m currently celibate.

Is that because of the herpes?
It’s one of the reasons. I have a lot going on in my life with kids and work…there’s a lot going on.
Murph, I’m a fulltime college student, work around 20 hours a week, teach computer skills classes, have kids, and am living with my parents. But yeah, being constantly and consistently rejected makes it more difficult to continually put myself out there.

Are you being treated with Valtrex or anything?
No, I’m one of those with no obvious symptoms.
If I didn’t tell you, there’s a pretty good chance you’d never know. I’ve never had a “hideously painful” breakout. My DOCTOR didn’t believe me until the bloodtest results came back. He thought that spot was from having rough/dry sex (and was an ass about it, making an offhand comment about lube being readily and easily available).