Em and the Possibilities There are no guarantees in life…only the possibilities

It’s cool enough for me to cook so I’m making the most of it. I’ve made:

Kale and pumpkin seed pesto (but I did half pumpkin seeds, half sunflower seeds) and it is DELICIOUS!!!!!

Curried tuna salad

Egg salad (standard recipe)

and the custard for Nutella Ice Cream. It will sit in the fridge, chillin’ overnight while the icecream freezer…freezes.

And, of course we can’t forget the dogs, This is going to happen because I was insanely absent-minded and forgot about the chicken in the fridge.

And after all that cooking? I had tilapia, qinoa, and stirfry veg for dinner.

Heh.

is harder than you could possibly imagine. Or maybe you CAN imagine it (because you’ve done it). The voices in my head? they’re all arguing right now.

The drill sergeant is yelling “get off yer ass!!!”.
Gentle-me says “you closed Saturday, opened Sunday, and rescued The Teen from certain social disaster between the two” (she’d locked her keys in the car at a gas station).
Logical-me says to develop a plan. A formula. Meals, workout, chores in one tidy schedule that I’ll actually LOOK AT.

Yeaaaaaaah.

Meals: grain, veg, protein. Easy, right? Notsomuch – I’ve pretty much given up on the concept of The Happy Bite. With the texture/sensitivity issues we’re dealing with, insistence on eating an entire serving is required.

Workout: clearly a routine needs to be established. I need to figure out when a workout is possible WITHOUT the room being full of people. Actually, scratch that. I need to CALL and find out if they know when the room will be mostly-empty.

Chores: like most parents, it would be faster if I did everything myself. My new attitude though, is one you may want to adopt for your own family:

I DO NOT LIVE ALONE, I AM NOT CLEANING IT ALONE.

Some chores get done quickly – gathering laundry and unloading the dishwasher are quickly done. Some are regrettable experiences: having The Youngest mop the kitchen ended with dirty water smeared all over and puddles left standing. (Do I do it myself or save up for a Floor Mate? or ___________?)

I know in some ways I’m making it harder than it is. That’s kinda how I roll though…
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In blog admin news, I’ve added a “pin it” button” if you’re so inclined. I’m trying to fix things so this blog becomes more of a “social aggregator” for me. I do lead a rather varied online life (insomnia does that to me) and I’m trying to get it so you know I’m alive and well, but mostly unable to come up with +250 words on a topic at any given time.

All my goals and resolutions, down the toilet.

I had a profile on a dating website. I was approached by an anonymous profile holder (no picture, no profile, no identifying information whatsoever) who claimed to know me, that’s kissed me before, and wouldn’t I like to spank them.

This encounter, by this anonymous person…freaked me out. Couldn’t leave the house freaked out. Couldn’t go to the Y, struggled to make it through an entire shift at work without hiding in the office, ran out of groceries because I was afraid I’d be accosted in the store I *work* at freaked out.

The good news is that I got annoyed with myself for falling apart “like this” over someone who very likely has no clue that they just hit my agoraphobia button with a sledgehammer. The bad news is it took about a month for me to get to that place.

And yes, I deleted the profile. Online “meeting” sites like that just aren’t the place for me. Outside of that one episode – most of the people that particular site said I was “compatible” with were a minimum of two hours away.

The “cooking for luck” series was torpedoed, mostly for dietary reasons. I’d wanted to take a culinary walk through as many cultures as I could, trying to get a feel for the reasons that culture thinks a certain food is “lucky”. What I actually found: lots of pork. Lots and lots. More pork than I’ve eaten in the last 3 years combined lots.

Don’t get me wrong, the food was all quite tasty.

BUT.

When you’re the only one in the house eating a meal that was designed to feed an army, you get sick of leftovers with a quickness.

So I’m going back to what I was doing before – cook/post. Hopefully I’ll remember to take a picture here and there. Hopefully that picture won’t suck a whole lot.

Garden 2012 is mostly in containers, and nothing like what I’d planned from the beginning. It’s mostly herbs, and I haven’t planted any tomatoes yet at all. Or lettuces, for that matter.

So thereyago. I’m still alive, just…recovering from a massive freakout.

Coming to you LIVE!!! from scenic MY BEDROOM!!! It’s….AN UPDATE!

I spent the better part of the weekend shopping for a lawnmower. It is surprisingly more difficult than I thought it would be. The mower that is “big enough” for the property I own now starts at $1000 new.

I cannot seem to make myself spend ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS on a mower.

(It helps if you see me saying that with a pinky held up to the corner of my mouth – because it may as well be ONE BILLYUN DOLLARS!!!)

I love working in the yard, I really do. (Except for the weedeating.) Spending that much money on a mower would make a LOT of sense…if I were going to be living here for the next few years. Or if I had a vague clue as to the size of the property I may possibly be moving to. Or if I had a vague clue as to WHEN I’ll be moving.

The looming move has also caused a short-circuit in my brain. On one hand, my bedroom needs flooring materials. I *deserve* a bedroom that doesn’t suck. I don’t want to continue moving around on the subfloor. On the other hand, I don’t really have a whole lot of money to put towards the floor of a house I’m not keeping.

(Right now we’re working with the theory that I’ll be moving into different housing. The option to move this lovely building onto a different property does exist, but it’s further down on the list.)

My Good Luck Meals are at a moderate standstill. I want to cook, but planning the meal has become… not quite a chore, but more difficult. I’ve run through most of my freezer stock doing this (which is a GOOD thing – I needed to do a massive freezer rotation), and I really REALLY got sick of reading pork/sausage recipes. It seems that most cultures feature pork heavily in their “for luck” menu plans. And honestly? I got sick of being the only one eating. The first serving was delicious, the second was also tasty…and then I didn’t want it anymore.

My workouts are also at something of a standstill. I love working out, I love getting out of the house. Unfortunately, I can’t make my brain stop pointing out that the 30 minutes I just spent on the bike could’ve been hanging clothes on the line. Or scrubbing the floor. Or planting seeds.

Or. Or. Or.

Spring Cleaning has started. The windows have been de-gunked and thrown open. The pot & pans cabinet has been emptied, vacuumed, scrubbed, and mousetrapped. I now have a profoundly thorough understanding of why Mamaw kept her pots & pans upside down in the cabinet…

I think that’s all the news that’s fit to print. What have y’all been up to?

I was standing at work, thinking how nice it would be to be kissed.

Ah, nostalgia.

Christine walked up, said “Yanno, I want some chocolate!” and went to get some. Of COURSE I said I’d love some too.

(The advantage of working in a grocery store, yo.)

She came back and handed me

a hershey’s kiss.

I seem to be unable to manage all three in one week. Or rather:

I set a goal for that time and then spend an inordinate amount of time doing OTHER stuff. So much that meeting the goal becomes basically impossible.

The OTHER stuff does need to be done, don’t get me wrong – but I’m depleting willpower on regular chores LONG before I get to Goal/Resolution stuff.

Before you ask: No, I’m not doing all the housework alone. I don’t live here alone, I’m not cleaning it alone. However, working on chores with Captain ADHD is exhausting in and of itself. It goes something like this:

I need you to clean the livingroom floor. Sweep everything into a pile, sort through the pile, and vacuum up the dirt that you can’t sweep up. Put the dog down. Pick the broom up. Sweep everything into a pile. FOCUS. Okay, that’s good, now sweep in front of the other section of sofa. No, we’re not lifting the sofa right now. Yes, I can see that spoon, leave it. We’re focusing on the stuff on the floor. Good, we’ve got a pile. Now, pick the clothes out of the pile and put them in that laundry basket. Clothes, basket. Clothes. Clothes clothes clothes. Stop CHASING the DOG. Do I need to turn you into my personal skill-crane? Then get those clothes. I see socks in that pile, are socks clothes? Get the sock get the OTHER sock OH NO IT’S A SNAKE IT’S GONNA BITE YOU HURRY AND GET IT BEFORE IT GETS YOU!!!! Phew, good. I’ll move the clothes basket out of the way. Now pick the trash up. Why did you throw a banana peel in the floor? There’s a trash can RIGHT THERE. Get it off my floor. Seriously, dude. That’s not funny. Okay, now get the broom and dustpan – I’ll get the vacuum. Okay, I’ll sweep you vacuum. I just want it done. PUT THE DOG DOWN.

Yeah. It’s just like that. Only with more yelling. After that, who wants to do anything other than curl up in a thumbsucking ball with a Tasty Adult Beverage ™???

And the Seinfeld productivity app that I mentioned last week? I had to stop using. It was annoying me in a Very Serious Way. And writing this reminded me that I need to leave feedback on the app. (It nagged me even after I recorded activity for that day. Very Uncool.)

Even with all that, I did manage to get the laundry area uncluttered. It provided quite the lovely little brain YAY! that I needed so badly.

I’m learning that I have a SERIOUS problem with underestimating how long a task will take.

My workouts are off-kilter right now. My schedule is changing at work (again) and…while the changes aren’t necessarily a BAD thing, they do make it difficult for me to get The Things taken care of so that I feel I *can* go work out.

Solution: I’m going to finish this and go workout before I run my few errands.

The Eating Healthy thing has also been on hiatus for the last week. I fell into the “easy” trap – easy to order pizza (since I really can’t allow the sitter in my kitchen¹ ever again.

Solution: I’ve got beans soaking, rice cooking in the little crockpot and I’m about to put chicken in the big crockpot, and I’m making a meal plan.

Money…oh my goodness the money. Having my tax refund in the bank caused a bit of an explosion in my brain. I don’t have to worry about money; it’s there. Yes, I know it won’t STAY there. But right now, it’s nice to know that if the boys have a growth spurt I can go get clothes AND gas (as opposed to the usual: buy two pairs of pants and put 1/2 the usual amount in and squeeze it ’til there’s naught but fumes left).

The good news is financial stability is right around the corner – I will be getting the same amount on a regular basis, making it a LOT easier to pay bills on a schedule and to PLAN. And more importantly: to be able to go to the store, get everyone taken care of and NOT hyperventilate at the total.

1. baked frozen pizza on the cardboard circle. Poured the oil from my deep fry pot down the drain – after adding water to it, thinking it was the pot to cook mac & cheese in. [↩]

And now for another episode of “I’m talking myself into having a good year by cooking”! I do need to say though – nearly every single culture has featured pork in some kind of MAJOR way.

To be completely honest, it’s been a little unsettling. I’ve never cooked with pork quite this much before.

According to Bee at RasaMalaysia.com,

The pig is a symbol of plumpness or abundance therefore any pork dish is an auspicious symbol of prosperity. The sweetness and stickiness of the Peking style glaze respectively signify “a sweet year ahead” and “family cohesiveness”. And to top it all off, the color of the sauce is red, which is the Chinese color for celebration, prosperity, and longevity.

Okay, you can sign me up. Serve with steamed rice? MY FAVORITE!

Step 1, make the grocery list. I don’t have the sauces…and I wonder if I could just get a carry-out container from the restaurant down the street. I’d never heard of black vinegar before this recipe. A brief consult with Google tells me apple cider vinegar will work. Nor do I have shaoxing wine…I hope sauvignon blanc is good enough. It’s the only white I have right now.

Honestly, you would’ve laughed at me at the grocery store. I stood there, scanning from top to bottom reading ALL the labels trying to find “plum sauce”. On the FOURTH scan, I realized that I needed to read the entire label – it said “plum duck” not “plum sauce”.

Derp.

I got all the way home before I realized there was no jasmine rice in the house. Or Basmati. Or even Sushi.

Brown or Instant white.

Double-derp.

Hopefully this won’t turn out like that joke. You know the one – lady gets upset with her friend because the recipe didn’t turn out right…only she substituted all the ingredients.

Step 2, take the pork out of the freezer. I get to choose from ground pork or bone-in chops. Uhm, duh? Boning them is no problem…

Step 3, go crazy in the kitchen. I decided that I wanted to cook this on a night after work. The plan was to get the meat in the marinade, load the dishwasher, then cook.

It was a good plan, but I didn’t account for the tens of thousands of times I would hear “Mom!” before I finished.

Not pictured: the pounding of the pork. There’s just no good way to swing a hammer while holding a cellphone camera.

Marinated pork: a pound of pork tenderloin (pounded thin), 1 egg, 1 tablespoon cornstarch, 1/2 tsp Sauvignon Blanc, 1/2 tsp salt

Let it sit for 30 minutes while you load the dishwasher, scrub the counter and fuss at the kids to put the toys away.

If you’re cooking with me, you’ll also want to spend a decent amount of time trying to remove a cereal bowl that got milk-glued to the table (SOMEone didn’t put their dishes in the sink) and generally yelling about that. And then scrubbing the table.

And scrubbing your hands because the yogurt you intend to make is delicious, but the yogurt you just scrubbed off the table is RANK and NASTY and your hands will never come CLEAN if you don’t scrub and scrub and scrub with blistering hot water.

*ahem* Where was I?

Oh yes.

Put the rice on to cook, then move into deep-frying territory.

As a Southern Woman, I’m no stranger to boiling things in oil. It’s quite tasty and delicious. And can be dangerous.

Maybe that should be my new tagline….DANGEROUS COOKING IN PROGRESS. or I LIKE MY COOKING DANGEROUS.

Or something.

Honestly, I didn’t measure the oil.

Measuring it matters, but not all THAT much. You want it deep enough so you can float the pork. But not so deep that it takes forever to heat up and you feel like you’re wasting oil and your time.

Fry it til the crust is deliciously golden-brown and you want to reach into the pot of oil and snag a crunchy bit.

Just don’t actually DO that, it’ll hurt and you’ll hafta go to the hospital and then the food will go bad.

I hate wasting food.

Drain the pork on paper towels. NOW you can snag the crunchy bits that came off and taste.

Once all the pork is fried up, slowly and carefully pour the used oil into an empty can. Curse inside your head as the oil boils up over the edges and makes a lovely puddle of BOILING HOT OIL on your countertop.

Or you could wait til the oil cools and pour it into the can. It’s probably less dangerous that way.

OH LOOK! It’s another step I didn’t take a picture of!!! In a bowl, mix 1 1/2 tablespoons ketchup, 1/2 tablespoon plum duck (heh) sauce, 1/2 tablespoon Texas Pete, 1/2 tablespoon¹ Hoisin sauce, 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce, 1 1/2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar, 1 1/2 tablespoons sugar, and 2 tablespoons water.

The recipe also calls for an optional small pinch of Chinese Five Spice powder. The next time I make this I think I will – because as of right now there isn’t a lot of difference between my normal homemade bbq sauce and this.

Bring it to a boil in the wok.

Add the tasty and delicious pork to the bbq sauce and coat thoroughly. That’s not smoke, it’s steaaaam baby and the smell of this step will bring you back from the brink of whatever you’re going through.

It would be a REALLY good idea to sprinkle some toasted sesame seeds and some chopped scallions here. Unfortunately I was REALLY HUNGRY and didn’t notice the missing punches of flavor.

Also, please. Please please please do yourself a favor and invite someone over to share this with.

Eating an entire pound of deep-fried pork chops with rice will wreak havoc on your digestive system.

The recipe AS WRITTEN:

Peking Pork Chops on Rasamalaysia.com

Ingredients:

1 lb pork tenderloin or pork spare ribs, cut into 1/2-inch thick slices
Oil for deep frying
1 teaspoon toasted sesame seeds, optional

Marinade:

1 egg
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1/2 teaspoon Shaoxing wine
1/2 teaspoon salt

Sauce:

1 1/2 tablespoons tomato ketchup
1/2 tablespoon plum sauce
1/2 tablespoon chili sauce
1/4 teaspoon sweet bean sauce, or Hoisin sauce
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2 tablespoons black vinegar
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
small pinch of Chinese Five Spice powder, optional
2 tablespoons water

Method:

1. Pound pork slices with mallet, or with the back of a kitchen knife until tender. Set aside. In a bowl, mix the Marinade ingredients, add in pork slices, mix well, and marinade for 30 minutes.

2. In a separate bowl, mix the Sauce ingredients. You may add more or less sugar, or other sauce ingredients to your own liking. Set sauce mixture aside.

3. Heat up a wok with enough oil, deep-fry pork slices for 5 minutes, or until color changes to golden brown and slightly crispy. Dish up, drain with paper towels and set aside.

4. Bring sauce to a quick boil, add deep-fried pork, and stir until all the meat is well coated with sauce. Dish up and sprinkle the pork chops with some toasted sesame seeds. Serve over a bowl of hot steamed rice.

1. Okay seriously – this was a “not paying attention” mistake. The recipe calls for 1/4 tsp. PAY ATTENTION TO THE RECIPE, FOLKS!!! [↩]

If I’ve been not-wealthy for so long, why in the world did I all of a sudden get into a crisis situation? I should know how to handle myself by now, right?

So you would think, but 2011 was a banner year.

March
I had to buy tires for the truck. That would be my only “normal” purchase of the year.

A pipe burst under the house. It’s expected – I have the gray polybutylene plumbing and that’s what happens when it gets older. The good news is that I’m on well water, so I just have to worry about paying the plumber.

April
At the end of March it was food stamp recertification time. Unfortunately, the county was moving to a paperless system at the same time. My paperwork disappeared into the gaping maw of confusion, and they closed my case.

I called, I railed, I nagged, I begged. I reapplied (twice).

My case would stay closed until September.

Take a good hard look at your budget. It squeaks because it’s so tight, right? Now subtract your grocery money from that number but continue to purchase groceries. Where do you cut?

May
My daughter’s dog (he’s really mine – she’s never home to feed and regularly care for) decided to go toe-to-toe with a car & lost. The good news: only a broken leg. And my daughter has a Care Credit card. The bad news: the bill is more than her credit limit.

I applied for a home equity loan and got conditionally approved. And I have to turn it down. They want to wrap my student loans into the loan amount, which will make the payments unaffordable.

June
My regular sitter had to stop keeping the boys at the end of the school year. The pricey-but-awesome teen I hired to sit graduated and took off for the beach…for “two weeks”. For the vast majority of the rest of summer break, the boys came to work with me OR I only worked part of a shift and went home OR I completely called out.

Toward the end of June (I posted pictures on facebook on the 19th), the “Rope Swing” tree’s trunk twisted apart in a windstorm – taking the secondary pole with it. We didn’t have power for 36 hours. Everything in the fridge and freezer had to be tossed. Adding insult to injury: the power company dropped the limbs and left them there.

I called the free clinic – I’m almost out of blood pressure meds and need to be seen before anyone will prescribe more. They give me an intake appointment in three weeks, and I have to be approved by intake before I can make an appointment to be seen. The receptionist quite pleasantly informs me that the next available appointment is usually six weeks from approval. I take the intake appointment and call my regular doctor – who wants $280 when I walk in the door. They’ll let me make payments thank goodness. Now I just need to figure out where to squeeze those payments from.

July

The dog pulled his leg out of the splint. The trip to the emergency vet cost a boatload of money that I don’t have.

Robbing Peter to pay Paul is wearing me down. I’m at least 60 days behind on all the bills and it feels like there IS no catching up. My paychecks are big enough to get gas, pay part of one bill and buy food. I finally talk myself into going to the food bank to see if I can get myself some breathing room. I tell the intake worker that I’m just experiencing a temporary setback. I hope… (They did help.)

My hair is coming out by the handful from the stress.

August

Back to school supplies come out of the grocery budget. We can get away with wearing shorts and tshirts for a few more weeks, but I really really need to buy jeans. I take them to a department store for school shoes because I have credit available on that card. I know it’s irresponsible, but it’s the only way. There simply is no cash.

The mower of doom died and I had to tow it to the driveway. The teeth on the sprocket broke. Repair is impossible – the sprocket is welded to the axle.

The a/c had a “complete compressor blowout”. Estimated $4k to replace. I think we’ll be doing without central air for a while. The unit is circa 1995 (repairs expected), and at this point what’s one more broken thing??!!??

September

The benefit approval letter arrives. HOORAY! Let’s all do a happydance. And then figure out how to pay the waaaay overdue car insurance premiums and the inspection/tags/taxes that were due in August.

October

I got ticketed for driving with expired tags/inspection – on my way to the shop for the inspection. The officer advises me to take my documentation to the courthouse and they’ll dismiss it.

November

I finally get annoyed enough with our ped to ask for a referral to an ENT for Joe. The ped wants him on anti-allergy meds and nasal sprays and decongestants constantly. The ENT looks into his throat and immediately turns around and says “we don’t have to do this rightnow, but his tonsils and possibly adenoids need to come out. Go do your research, then call and let our office know what you want to do.” I don’t want to pull him out of school for this, but it’s gone on long enough AND when I call to schedule the surgery I’m told our dr won’t be doing surgery after the 30th. Our choices are right before Thanksgiving, or right after. Since I want him to be able to eat dinner AND since I am absolutely not able to take Thanksgiving off, right after it is.

Ten days without pay while he heals…

And that, my friends, is how we got here.

Did I mention blah? Because blah.

No, really. blah.

I lost my motivation for doing just about anything other than basic maintenance on Superbowl Sunday. There’s just something about moving ten BILLION boxes of various beers across a scanner that sucks the life right out of you.

And after that, Dan got sick. Threw up in the truck, fever, snotty nose sick. And you know what happened next…I got it.

The good news is I wasn’t pukey. The bad news: I really wanted to. All day nausea is zero fun.

Everything ground to a halt except for basic chores. I did make a few discoveries in the last two weeks: Joe likes mopping (water only – I’m too paranoid to give him a soapbucket yet) and Dan likes vacuuming more than sweeping.

And then I got trapped under a chihuahua.

No, really.

Stop laughing.

See? Can you imagine how difficult it is to get motivated? Can you imagine how difficult it is to type like this??!??

And then it happened. LifeHacker featured a fixed procrastination problem

I have my goals: declutter, get healthy, handle monies.

My daily minimum is also my “backup plan”. At the very least, basic housecleaning needs to happen. We have to eat regardless, so may as well make healthy choices. And my backup plan for money is simple: don’t spend.

I’m not so fabulously sure about making an X on a calendar page…but fortunately, there’s a Seinfeld Calendar app (link to android market). And I’m tracking my workouts through Fitocracy.com.

The restart happens now…

You heard this briefly mentioned in that Cracked article I wrote about to earlier. We po’ folk get a nice big tax rebate that’s supposed to even things out. Personal Finance blog Get Rich Slowly even featured an article on How to Spend a tax Refund

In the past, the first thing was to list all the debt – prioritized by interest rate and who has annoyed me the least throughout the year. The highest interest rate gets paid off, and we go downhill from there.

I’m doing things a bit differently this year though. As much as I want to get everything paid off, I need to rebuild my credit. And I need some semblance of savings to pull from in an emergency/crisis situation. As of right now it looks like this:

Truck (emergency) loan (22% interest. Ouch.)
Home Improvement Warehouse Card (they’re annoying)

and after a respectable waiting period, what’s left will be distributed among:

Credit Union Visa
Health Care for me (New savings account)
Car Insurance (New savings account)
Car Repair (New savings account)
Christmas club (New account)
Moving expenses (still trying to figure the best way to save for this)

The GRS article I mentioned also suggests up to 5% of the refund to be spent on “fun”. It is there that I’m truly having the biggest problem. I want to do SO many things with the boys. It would be fiscally prudent for me to pay the rest of our Y membership. I want to take them camping at the beach and in the mountains (borrowed equipment).

All that sounds great, right? There’s just one problem: there’s not enough money to fund all of those accounts. And once I saw my bank balance, my brain exploded.

ZOMG THERE IS MONEY I HAZ A MONEY I MUST SPEND IT ALL RIGHTNOW!

Don’t worry, I won’t go quite insane. I’m sorely tempted, but stability and paid bills are my number one goal.

Stability is good.
Paid bills are good.

Rinse. Repeat.