A tiny snuggly baby-baby. He was sleeping when she handed him to me, and he stayed asleep while I baby-dance/rocked and his mama and I caught up.
Holding him was bittersweet. I’m never POSITIVE that I’m done having babies, but having more is simply not practical, affordable or do-able by myself.
As we stood there talking, me rocking, my back muscles reminded me of their existence. Firmly.
My mind see-sawed relentlessly, back and forth and up and down. Would my back ache like this were I to have another baby? How would that affect Dan and Joe? Pregnancy would help me get re-used to this, wouldn’t it?
And then the reality thwap comes. Oh, wait…I can’t do this right now anyways, so stop worrying about something that cannot happen right now, and SHOULDN’T happen anyways.
(It still takes two to make a baby – leaving me one short.)
Reluctantly, regretfully, I handed him back to his mama. Sighed.
And took two ibuprofen.
i know that feeling.
at 37 and in no relationship, i feel that time has come and gone. though it would be nice to do it again in a healthy relationship.
alas, not too be.
funny how you think how much you would do different?
Treemamas last blog post..Snowy
It’s very bittersweet.
And most of my “what would I do different” actually involves the other party – having someone who will actually be around, hold the baby and generally co-parent WITH me.