Thanks to my inability to sell/trade children for gasoline (I do love those lil boogers, after all), it’s become necessary for me to stack all my errands. This ALSO means that I’m spending more time all at once in dealing with THOSE people.
Dear Crazy Cat Lady at the head of the line: Bless your lil heart. Did you know that if you unhook your purse from your arm and put it in the basket, you can use TWO hands to unload your buggy? You really should try it sometime. Preferably the next time I’m in the line you’re heading. Seriously, dear – if you’re that worried about your purse being stolen, you should travel with a bodyguard.
Dear Moderately Crazy Cat Lady behind Crazy Cat Lady but in front of me: Thank you SO MUCH for using two hands to unload your cart. That thrilled my soul to no end. And I very thoroughly enjoyed our conversation about your cats and how you add your own organically home-grown vegetables to the canned cat food you bought. And I’m a (sort-of) business owner too, so believe me when I say I understand the need to split out your office supplies from the groceries and pay for them separately. But? If you write two checks for two separate orders, why not go ahead and fill out the parts you can ahead of time? (You know, like the date, Pay to: line, signature line). Also? I was too gobsmacked to ask why you’re paying good money for a bag of MiracleGro potting soil if you do organic farming.
Dear Man in the Parking Lot: Turn the bass down. WAY down. Leave it down. Those people aren’t looking at you in admiration of your thumpin system, they’re glaring and praying for a cop to drive by and enforce the city’s noise ordinance.
And finally, a very special message –
To the person who redesigned the grocery store that I spend most of my money in: I’m not quite sure what you were thinking when you re-oriented the conveyors, but your store is the ONLY grocery I’ve been in with conveyors to my right. Every time I’m in your store, I tweak my back unloading the cart. Every.Single.Time. And since I’m in your store a minimum of twice a month, this means that your jacked up design is causing me A LOT OF PAIN. Yes, I’m very well aware of my option to shop elsewhere. Rock (my finances) meet HardPlace (your store).