Em and the Possibilities There are no guarantees in life…only the possibilities

The ever-so-tardy followup to Where I Was, and subtitled “Where I still am”

I tried to duplicate the same pose as before, but wasn’t all that successful (there was a photographer/subject conflict). This was taken back in December 2006. For some reason, I don’t photograph well; the camera catches my face at an odd angle or the erstwhile photographer catches me with my mouth open, eyes closed, or in my schlubby “I was scrubbing the toilet!!!!” clothes.

My body and I have an uneasy alliance right now. As I wrote earlier, my gallbladder is a thorn in my side (literally). There’s really no sense in whining about the stretchmarks and saggy tits – even if I could afford the plastic surgery to “fix” them I don’t know that I’d spend the money on….vanity. (Especially with three empty college-fund accounts *heh*)

I had briefly experimented with Weight Watcher’s Points Plan. It was my first experience with a detailed food diary as well as assigning values to food items, and it quickly turned into a nightmare for me. Obsession kicked in as I sat with the points calculator, trying to figure out how far I would have to walk on the treadmill to get a snack-size bag of my favorite chips (You get +points for exercise) while not jacking up my points total for the day.

I should note here that I used Mom’s old WW book and calculator – I couldn’t (and still can’t) afford the $$$ to pay for a membership. I’ve since talked to paying members who say that this issue is addressed in some of the weekly meetings.

Then, I had to cope with Mom’s “help”. I found a recipe for vegetable soup and made it. Zero points – eat as much as you’d like. She complained that the vegetables were undercooked and I didn’t make “enough” soup – so she brought out the stockpot and made…”enough”. I left the pot in the refrigerator. She didn’t make it for me, she made it to her own tastes (I don’t LIKE leftovers)- let HER eat it.

I was getting online support and hand-holding through a message board (that I don’t participate in anymore). Things were going well, there was a small contingent of “fat chicks” working through bad knees and fibro as well as dealing with our respective emotional food-related issues. And then…it happened. The Invasion of the Skinny Chicks. Women who were training for marathons and biking 50-100 miles in a day while we were doing well to walk a mile on a treadmill. Women who said “It’s so GREAT that this board doesn’t separate the beginners from the more experienced people.” and then never noticed that the Fat Chicks stopped participating. Well, I should say that *I* stopped participating. I don’t know if the Fat Chicks went back to reclaim their territory and/or demand a forum of their own.

I wish I could say that was the worst thing I had to deal with through this diet, but it wasn’t. No, the worst thing that happened would be just a few short weeks later.

We were sitting at the table with my erstwhile babysitting job. I had just prepared my plate (the rest of the family was having deep-fried popcorn shrimp and flounder takeout), and The Babysitting Job started talking about Weight Watchers and how her Nana had followed the diet.

I got cranky. The last thing I want to hear is diet advice from a pre-teen who’s idea of perfect is “if I could just lose two pounds”.

My daughter joined in the discussion, along with my mother. NONE of whom were actually dieting at that time. WHILE they were snarfing down shrimp, french fries, hush puppies, and coleslaw.

I got snarly and started bitching and ranting. That’s ENOUGH, let it GO my GOD people I do NOT want to TALK ABOUT IT. I don’t CARE about anyone else’s Supah Secret WW Approved Chocolate Cake Recipe. RESPECT THE CRANKY DIETING BITCH. By the time I was done, my daughter was sitting at the table gagging, the Babysitting Job “asked” to be excused and ran off, and Mom was glaring at me. (Nothing new there, though)

I stopped the next morning. Apologized to my daughter, because that was really over the top – and had potato chips with cottage cheese for lunch.