Em and the Possibilities There are no guarantees in life…only the possibilities

Hey, Mom – I think I figured out how I can be slightly sleazy and do one book report for two classes!

How is THAT possible?

Well, I found out about this book called Red Feminism about American Communism and the women’s movement. I can do a report on the book for both my History AND a presentation/report for my Soc class.

*blank look*

Here, lemme read the back-of-book quote for you:

That makes perfect sense. Feminism is a communist plot.

I’m sorry, WHAT??!!??

Feminism is a communist plot.

Superstitions are usually about avoiding the BAD things that can happen, right? “Step on a crack, break your mother’s back” and “break a mirror, you’ll get 7 years bad luck”. We never hear about the GOOD superstitions, do we?

Dan was looking at my earrings the other day, and we had a little conversation about them. He says they are pretty and lucky.

Oh really? How are they lucky, DanDan?

They will bring you LOVE, Mommy!

I haven’t taken them off since.

What are you superstitious about?

Y’know, upon further ponderance, I suppose this might not be a “good” superstition after all. Y’know, if I take the earrings out, I might never find love, right?

Today’s Dan’s 5th birthday!!!!! We’re going to celebrate by having cake, icecream, presents, and buying Mommy a new digital camera, since yet ANOTHERONE got dropped (much to my annoyance).

I’m all about NOT posting current photos on the ‘net, but enjoy watching him grow up.

This is my favorite “golden moment” photo. I have yet to be able to capture another one like this with the three of them together, but I’m sure it’ll happen again soon!

First birthday cake!

I managed to pull out a B+ on my history essay/exam midterm.

Let the bug-stravaganza begin!

The week that you have two exams is not necessarily the best time to buy a 500 piece 3-d puzzle that TOTALLY ROCKS OUT LOUD and would look SO COOL on your son’s bedroom wall surrounded by the GLOW IN THE DARK UNIVERSE!

So for the last month or so, I’ve been messaging people on myspace, hoping to jumpstart my social life a bit.

Tonight, I’ll be hanging up my spurs, cowpokes.

I’ve been subject to a few “prelude to a Nigerian scam” messages, gotten one (yes, only one) genuinely interested human being, and sent a boatload of messages. Apparently, replying to messages isn’t necessary these days, and that frustrates me.

I don’t deal well with frustration, folks.

Since I want to get this thing started “right”, I decided that the time invested in myspace isn’t necessarily the BEST investment of time I’ve ever done. True, I needed to do it to find out it wasn’t the right thing for me – but now I look at that time and kinda shake my head.

Mooooooooooving right along…

I’m a Mom. I’ve been puked on, peed on, and I’m the designated booty-wiper. I’ve delivered 3 children – two of them naturally. I use a Diva Cup for heaven’s sake! (Uh. Gentlemen, if you don’t know what that is, you may want to skip learning. Don’t say you weren’t warned. I’m just sayin’!)

Outside of the USUAL reason to keep lubricating jelly/gel on hand, it’s a good thing to use to “help” your child to make the RIGHT choice. Specifically, you say this phrase:

“Son, this is your last chance. If you don’t let me take your temperature in your ear, we’re going to have to do it the OTHER way.”

as you’re reaching for the tube and the thermometer. I PROMISE you he’ll sit so incredibly still as you’re using the “earmometer”.

So Em, what the almighty hell does this have to do with you being squicked?

As I was waiting for my prescription to be filled at The Evil Empire, I happened to notice the Brand X lube on the shelf. The thought occurred that I should probably pick some up – and so I did. Tossed the box in my buggy without another thought. Brought it home and stuck it in the cabinet without another thought.

As time went on, I happened to be without *ahem* reading material one day. I picked the box up, turned it around, and started reading.

My jaw dropped.

Did you see what made my jaw drop? Huh, huh didja didja didja?

Here, maybe this will help

Eew eew eew EEW EEW! The box shall forever remain unopened. I’ll probably take it back to the store and try to get my money back.

Learn from my mistakes, people! Read the box WHILE you’re in the store! NOTICE these things!

For those who follow these things, I’ve de-linked A Creative Spanked Wife.

Although I enjoyed her artwork and reading her stories, I refuse to condone what appears to be fraud. Fortunately, I missed the message board drama (referred to in her comments).

People have commented that they hope she “gets help”, but it’s been my experience that people like “Patty” don’t. They just move on to a new message board/community and start over again.

I’ve mentioned the universe and its sense of humor before, yes? Please indulge me as I reiterate:

I have a credit card with zero balance. I have a closet that is essentially devoid of anything pretty and new (or that fits properly, truth be told).

You know what that means, right?

I didn’t find a damn thing.

This shirt was gorgeous, but fit weird over the Large Tracts of Land ™, that shirt fit properly and looked good on the hanger, but was completely the wrong color for me. Those pants fit my legs but wouldn’t go around my waist, those panties were REALLY cute but OMG no, that bra fit and was dead sexay but do I have $80 to blow on ONE sexy bra that nobody’s gonna see??!!?? (Because? If I spend $80 on a bra, SOMEbody’d bettah be lookin’!)

Also? Who the hell decided that a sheer, embroidered shirt would look good on a large woman?

Oh, and I absolutely MUST tell you of my Boutique find. Have you ever had a moment where you thought “My dear almighty gawd. I HAVE TO BUY THAT.

If I buy it, I can hide it, and nobody will ever EVER be tempted to wear it in public.”

It’s a public service I’m providing, people!

It was a tank top.

It was a reversable tank top.

It was a reversable tank top made of 100% polyester.

It was a reversable tank top, made of 100% polyester, and had four separate color panels – and the panels didn’t match.

Allow me to elucidate: The front panel of the tank was a stained glass print. The rear panel was solid black. The inside front was a gorgeous floral print. The inside rear? Abstract blocks.

I wish I had a camera phone JUST to show you the true hideousness of this shirt. Indeed, I may return to the store to purchase it.

Nobody should feel like they have to purchase that hideousness JUST because it fits.

Roof-sitting husband on strike admits to 1995 sex crime conviction

Redford man getting unwanted attention now

BY JULIE HINDS
FREE PRESS STAFF WRITER

March 31, 2006

James Wilson, the Redford roof-sitting husband whose story about his strike for more time with his wife was featured Tuesday in the Free Press, got attention across the country this week for his humorous protest.

Now he’s getting attention he didn’t want – as someone on the Michigan sex offender roster.

In 1995, Wilson, now 33, pleaded guilty to second-degree criminal sexual conduct, an aspect of his life he didn’t disclose in dozens of interviews with media outlets this week.

“I just felt people would judge me on who I am today, not snoop around and expose a guy,” Wilson said by phone Friday.

Wilson is listed on Michigan’s public sex offender registry and acknowledged that he faced multiple charges in an assault and pled guilty to a lesser charge and served five years probation.

A check of court computer files confirmed his plea and sentence. The complete case file was not immediately available Friday.

Thursday night, his past was revealed on the comments section of his Web site, Husbandonstrike.com. Wilson has shut the Web site down.

“I’m not a criminal,” said Wilson. “That was from a life when I was a hurt and confused young man.”

Wilson said he’s changed his life, becoming a born-again Christian. He said he started his strike last week to help other husbands.

“I feel like, wow, in 24 hours, I was a king, helping families and inspiring men and now I’m the scum of the earth,” he said.

His wife, Valentina, 32, said Friday that he told her about his conviction in 2000, the year before they married.

“I was surprised, only because he’s a very nice person, very good person, very loving,” she said. “But I understand everybody in their youth makes mistakes. I felt that was in his past. He was a new person.”

She said she still supports her husband: “I just think if people have committed crimes in the past, they should be allowed to move on with their lives.”

Wilson, who has a son who’s nearly two and a daughter who’s almost three months, said he’s not sorry he started the protest, even though it brought his conviction to light.

He sounded distraught Friday afternoon, saying, “I don’t regret it, because I felt I was really on a mission to help families. Now my family is in turmoil.”

Copyright © 2006 Detroit Free Press Inc.

Y’know….I’m starting to think that the absolute best place for him is on the roof on strike. At least that way he won’t reproduce again.