This is a GOOD one! It’s called
Where Emily Got Her Vile Temper
subtitled: How to wake up the neighborhood in 30 seconds
The slam of the door woke me up, as it always does. Dad always closes the door FIRMLY (or so he says) and this morning was no different. Fortunately, he didn’t wake the boys this time, so I allowed myself the time to stretch and ponder the days schedule when I heard him.
“What the HELL??!!?? Sonofa….. Gawdalmighty GAWDALMIGHTY!!!
Wide eyed, I lay in bed, running through what I could have possibly messed up to make my Dad use THAT kind of language. I drew blank after blank, running through my mental list and curled up under the covers. Maybe he’d think I was still sleeping.
*stomp stomp stomp SLAM* Back inside. Oh shit what did I do, whatdidIdo?
WOMAN! Did you HIT something last night when you were parking?
The vise in my chest released a little. He’s still pissed, using his “Barking Orders” voice, but he’s not coming after me, or he’d've yelled my name. I can breathe again, and listen for Mom’s answers, but I can’t make out the words.
Well why don’t you COME OUT HERE and SEE what you did to Emily’s VAN??!!??
She hit my van. Oh, I’m on the angel/devil seesaw on that one. The van’s paid for, but it’s getting to the point where the value of the vehicle almost equals the cost of repairs. I immediately feel guilty. I park at an angle in the driveway. If I’d park directly in front of Mom, she would’ve hit my bumper, and no damage would have happened. Crap!
I hear the jingle of the keychain. Dad’s stomp outside again, Mom shuffling into her shoes. The van engine fires up – it’s Mom’s. A cacaphony fills my ears: the dogs barking, the clunk of the transmission changing gears, muffled “Barking Orders”, and then…
the unmistakable sound of metal squealing against metal.
She’d backed into my van and PARKED there. As I lay there, I visualize the potential damage done to my van. She most likely would’ve hit the right rear quarter of the van, possibly bending the frame and damaging the rear axle.
Realizing that if I lay there much longer, I’d probably wake the boys from their beds, I got up and went to fix my coffee. I don’t really need the caffeine thanks to the incredible adrenaline rush (that I most certainly will pay for later), but I want to keep to my routine, so I sip it slowly.
Walking around the table, I poke my head into Mom’s room to let her know I’m up. I get The Look from her. “WHY did you park where you did yesterday???” I blink, and decide that humor is probably the best thing to diffuse the situation. “Just to piss you off!” It worked, she chuckled a bit and then asked if I’d heard Dad. “Mom, I think the whole neighborhood heard him. What happened?” “Well, it was dark and raining after church, so I decided to turn the van around when I pulled in.” We joked around a bit more, then I grabbed my camera, telling her “My insurance agent will probably want pictures of the damage.” She smirked, and sent me on my way.
OH MY GAWD! All that for a teeny tiny scratch?
Just that scratch????
Yup. We LOVE drama, can’t you tell?
And for the record – the black striping sticker now has a haze in that section. It’ll go nicely with the sections that are cracking and peeling from age :-B