Em and the Possibilities There are no guarantees in life…only the possibilities

I have in my posession a very nice 40-gig paperweight. Why do I still have it? Because, heaven help me, every single photo of my son Daniel from birth to age 2 is on there somewhere, and maybe….just maybe one day I’ll be able to afford to get the data recovered.

You believe that, right?

I should never have sent the email.

Not because I didn’t want to say it, but because now I’m obsessively checking my email for a response.

Would you rather:

Eat broken glass OR eat razor blades?
I’d rather starve. Neither. Nope, not gonna go there.

Be packed into an elevator with 6 very large sumo wrestlers OR with 6 guys who just got out of a sauna?
6 guys. I’m entirely too claustrophobic, and it’s only an elevator ride.

When talking, speak with a lisp OR sound like Elmer Fudd?
A lisp. There are only a few sounds in the english language that would trigger a noticable lisp, but Elmer is pretty blatant in his speech impediment.

Find out you were adopted and your real parents have died OR find out you were adopted and your real parents are in prison for murder?
I’d have to say dead. I do a gracious amount of obsessive self-examination already, I don’t really need to add “Am I just like murdering ma & pa?” to that list.

but don’t worry, others WILL be responsible.

I’m debating with myself over contacting Joe’s father one last time before I start working on terminating his rights. I really want to give him one final chance to acknowledge/deny….but then part of me says “Y’know, he’s had the better part of a year to step up, and he hasn’t.” I’ve spent the better part of the day drafting and re-drafting an email to him. I stopped after the 5th draft, but I keep obsessing over it. “Does this sound too bitchy/clinical/ emotionless/dramatic?”

Dad keeps looking at Joe and trying to associate a family member to his appearance. “Hey sis – d’ya think he looks like Chris? Today I think he looks like Mark. Or maybe Chad. What do you think?” I don’t have the heart to tell Dad that Joe looks just like his father. That will probably come back to bite me in the ass someday, but I don’t really care.

Update – I sent the email.
Gawd, I’m nuts.

Six months ago tonight, I was pushing out one big-headed baby boy. Now he’s huge, with two teeth and eating crackers. Pictures forthcoming – as soon as I pound this USB port into submission.

Now, to find a family lawyer and terminate his father’s parental rights

1. What’s the most daring thing you’ve ever done?

Packed the kids up and went on a 1200+ mile road trip. Details? I left Little Rock, drove to Austin TX and picked up my girlyfriend, then we all drove to El Paso to visit someone else.

2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?

Oh, I do *so* many things that my family doesn’t approve of already. My friends are incredibly open-minded (I can’t fathom them disapproving of anything), and I have no S/O.

3. On a scale of 1-10, what’s your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it’s a lifestyle)

About an 8. If you don’t take risks, you miss out on some pretty fun stuff. However, you won’t catch me jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft.

4. What’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?

The absolute best thing that’s happened would be my youngest son. I got pregnant with him on the above mentioned trip.

5. … and what’s the worst?

I met my first husband. I had placed a personals ad, he answered and we seemed to click on a lot of goooood levels. I’m not going to go into detail about our relationship other than to say that the incredible lack of respect he had for me has affected me in some pretty profound/permanent ways.

of the new haircut tonight. I didn’t go after all. The battery in the van is dead as a doornail, and I wasn’t about to jump it off, drive cross-county after dark in the cold with a 6 month old baby.

*sigh* just another brick in my wall these days.

no Wednesday walk from me yesterday. Sorry! It wasn’t a fantastic day for me yesterday, and today’s even worse. I got triggered *hard* last night, and am recovering from that. Mostly sorting the flotsam & jetsam that came bubbling up after spending all night tossing, turning, and wishing for things I’m probably never going to get. The good news is that my realization/recovery time has improved significantly. There for a while, it would take me weeks to ID what tripped my trigger, and *then* I could start coming out of it.

I’m going to get my hair cut off tonight. 15″ at least, going bye-bye.
Yes, I’ll post pics.

You’ll still love me with short hair, won’t you?