Venomous Kate has generously suggested we take some traffic off her hands 
Look around, comment freely, and have a good time.
I guess it’s about time. Maybe. Sort-of. Ambiguous? Nah, not me. Dating. Good gawd, just saying the word itself brings up all kinds of high-school heavy breathing images up. It’s been over a year since the XBF started regarding me as his “roommate” rather than his “wife” (of the common-law variety, that is), and nearly a year since Joe’s father dropped me. Why didn’t the X and I make it official? Well, I did like to quip “We can’t have our child tainted by legitimacy.” Honestly, though…I realized one day after our son was born that I wanted to be married again – just not to him. There were a lot of things profoundly wrong with that relationship. I just didn’t want to admit it or let go. Until it became too late and we hated each other. We’re slowly, carefully, cautiously becoming friendly again, mainly because of our son. If it weren’t for him, the relationship wouldn’t have lasted as long as it did, and we wouldn’t still be talking.
I kidded with friends about running personals ads and even placed a few, but then deleted them. I can’t get past the fear of getting dropped again. There are a lot of things I can handle….that’s just not one of them right now.
I visualize Joe’s father apologizing for the way things worked out. Begging me to let him be part of our lives. Whisking all of us off to…wherever. Heh, that’s the only apology or communication I’ll get from him, may as well make it as maudlin as I can, right?
I castigate myself for languishing in despondency when I survey my life, and all that I have wrought upon myself. More than that, bringing my children into it this way. I believe that things happen for a reason. I also believe that children choose their parents, although it really DOES make me wonder what kind of karmic redemption my children are in need of.
Oh, hell with it. It’s late, I’m tired, and I’m depressing myself just thinking about it. Move along, nothing to see here, keep it moving, keep it moving.
Alannah’s team placed 2nd in the locals – they are definitely going to the regional competition.
Poor kid came in and started crying while I *cut* the ponytail holder out of her hair. She was SO exhausted from all the excitement, and didn’t want to wait for me to work the band out of her hair. I twisted her arm (ya right!) into taking a warm bath, and rodeoed Dad into entertaining Dan so she would get a bath alone. She is now happily ensconced in the recliner with a snack, a cup of cocoa, and a book. Have I mentioned that I love love LOVE homeschooling?
who the HELL told Hillary Duff she could act? I am SO sick of seeing this childs face plastered all over the planet. Yes, she has a winning smile. BFD. Take acting lessons. “Hillary Duff as Lizzie McGuire” is correct – she never ever makes me believe she IS Lizzie. Every advertisement I’ve seen for the show (since it is banned in this house) shows her tripping/falling down. WHY is this a good example for my preteen daughter? And to get off the Lizzie trip – I can say that I absolutely DESPISED her in “Casper meets Wendy”.
*pant pant pant* OK, rant over. Now I can tell you about the rest of my oh-so-exciting day.
While strolling through Fark, I came (heh heh heh) upon this article: Orgasmatron Puts Tech into Sex. Apparently, by attaching two electrodes to your ankles (??!!??) you can come harder than ever before. Then, at the bottom of that article, I saw in related news Hold the Phone – it’s a Sex Toy–You can now download software to turn your cell phone into a vibrator.
Gods, I love technology.
and I’m holding my sleeping son. It’s killing my back, but I don’t wanna put him down. Mom gives me a hard time – “You’re gonna spoil that baby”. I finally shut her up by saying to my son “Don’t listen to her baby, there’s no place safer than your mommy’s arms”.
My daughter is having bipolar moments with the Halloween party she has planned. She’s really REALLY looking forward to the party, but last night learned that one of the “popular” girls on her cheer squad is having her own party on the same night – and she isn’t invited. Have I mentioned that preteen politics suck MUCH ass?
I have nothing to say today.
This kid is ENTIRELY too perky for me first thing on a Saturday morning. Today’s the homecoming game – so she’s even more hyper than normal. Nervous, hyper, annoying to the nth degree.
I love her and I’m SO glad she loves cheerleading this much, but couldn’t they schedule the games for a more civilized hour? Actually, scratch that. It would never be held at a civilized hour, for as much as I love watching her cheer, I *despise* watching football. And on top of hating to watch football, I hate to watch the parents of these boys on the team go into epileptic fits screaming at their sons. I’m pretty positive that it’s the job of the coach to yell at these boys – providing they need a yelling-at.
I need more coffee.
reality smacks you in between the eyes? Even if my youngest’s father did happen do come back in the picture, I don’t think I can trust him. Yes, I spend a lot of time dwelling on this. It bothers me ALMOST as much as the fact that I’m 33 and living with my parents goddess help me. Getting dropped I could handle…being ignored completely is taking some serious getting used to. I did a pretty good job of not thinking of him during the pregnancy, but this child looks so much like him it’s heartbreaking. Or maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part…I’ll never know. I will just have to hope that if my son ever finds his father, that he’s not too hurt by the exchange. That his father won’t be an asshole to him.